Sofa bitch
Well, I can't call her a bitch really - but hey, it makes me feel better for like, 1 second. I bought two ridiculously expensive sofas in October, and decided to move 2 weeks later. Financially, they were the worst decision I've ever made. They cost a small fortune. And they're gorgeous sofas. Super elegant shape, each has only one arm, which is perfect for the room they're currently in... they're in pretty blue. Great. Except of course that I'm moving and that the one arm they have is in the wrong place for the room they're going into. And the new buyer of the flat doesn't want them :-(
--- 30 minutes later ---
As I was blogging above I realised how stupid it is to try to sell them. They cost a fortune, are almost brand new, and selling them will see a spectacular destruction of value. Plus there the cost of buying new ones! The truth is that despite them not being the most comfortable sofas, they're OK in comfort department, and look amazing. I've been telling Mr J that I needed a bit more blue in the flat, and they could be it! Having said that, he's the one who dislikes them the most. He's got his heart set on a white leather combo - and I desperately want to have balance in decision making.... I wonder how hostile he would be to keeping them? I've layed them out in a new configuration here and think I've found a way to make them work in the new place..... not ideal - definately not... but they work, they look cool, and they save us having to shell out a fortune on new sofas.... which (given my doubts about continued employment), is really quite comforting.
Am also having similar dilemma about the dining room table. Mr J hates it apparently. Given how much cheaper it was than the sofas, perhaps we could compromise and sell that, and keep the sofas? I think he dislikes it quite strongly....
Hmmm - I don't want to impose my will.... but I do really hopes it sees it the way I do.
The one thing I really don't want, is for him to go along with something, but disagree about it inside... I worry that sometimes he does that, to keep me happy, but that he gives in or doesn't feel he has a choice. I think the therapist would say that I'm projecting my feelings of weakness onto him, rather than worrying about something real... but I don't know. I see her point, but I also wonder if I'm right. I try to reconcile these two feelings by asking him many times what he thinks, to give him ample opportunity to tell me.... and also I keep telling myself, if someone doesn't say something, then it's not my responsibility to try to second guess him - and I get so stressed trying to second guess people, invariably I get things wrong... All very dangerous if you ask me. I'm striving to let people tell me what they're thinking and not second guess them....
Hmm. not sure where this chain of thought is going. I'm confusing myself now.
P
2 Comments:
P you are right that it is not a good idea to try and second guess another person. All you can ever do it ask them direct are they happy about the choice. Then accept that they are telling you the truth. Perhaps its good to give them a second chance by saying, "I do not want you to say yes, just to keep me happy."
You have to trust the maturity of the other person that they say what they mean. As long as you listen to what they are saying.
Gosh, life's confusing sometimes, isn't it?
Can't believe he feels so negatively about that wonderful table, never mind the sofas. Presumably, though, he is aware that you need blue since you can't see many other colours? So it's not just an eccentricity.
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