Thursday, 21, October , 2004
ThatP
The end of an era.
It’s time to draw the "live" part of the website to an end... It’s been an honour - it really has.
So thanks to all! I wish you all the very best.
Much love
P x
Read comments below:
Posted by ThatP @ 08:55 PM GMT [Link] [92 comments]
Sunday, 26, September , 2004
A group men playing mahjong in China town
A photo I took from the top of the Empire State building (using the zoom, obviously)
of the flatiron building
The buildings next to Ground Zero where the World Trade Centre stood. (the flag
on that building is just huge)
This was a nice touch - it's a bell by ground zero which anyone can go up to
and strike...
A view of Manhatten at night after a trip to Staten Island on the ferry.
Eveyone told us how boring the Island would be, but we discovered a place that
serves rasberry Cosmopolitan cocktails - an invention I totally approve of!
I think that's such a pretty building!
Grand Central Station - I love this photo, especially with the motion-blurred
people in the front...
One thing that stuck me about Wall Street, is the mixture of people there. If
you think of Japan's or England's financial centres, there seem to be mostly
bankers and courriers, yet in Wall Street there were loads of people unrelated
to the financial district just walking around, getting a coffee etc. I found
that most surprising..
Time Square
Oh, this was fun. On an episode of Sex and the City Carrey goes to a trapeze
school. I didn't see that particular episode, but my friend did, and suggested
we go. It sounded like a fun idea, and indeed it was! This is me just seconds
after jumping off the platform for the very first time....
And here
I am a swing later, hanging upside downon the same trapeze. It all went so fast
- and gave me a fantastic adrenaline rush. I do like adrenaline rushes.. There
were only 4 of us in the group - including me & my friend, and we were there
for a good 2 hours. By the end, we doing doing some even cooler stuff: one instructor
would be on another trapeze and would tell us when we should "go"
on ours. We'd start (as in the first pic), by holding on to it and jumping off
the platform, then we'd bring our legs up above the bar, let go wih our hands
(like in the pic above) reach backwards, and then the instructor would grab
hold of our arms we'd grab his wrists and then letour feet go from our trapeze
- so we'd he hanging off our instructor's arms who would in turn already be
upside down hanging off his trapeze. I can't begin to tell you how much fun
it was!!! (sadly no pics of that..)
Posted by ThatP @ 04:39 PM GMT [Link]
Monday, 20, September , 2004
Oh, everyone was SO right. I love New York. I'm having such a fab time, I really should have come years ago.
And there's just so much to do. I'm on day 10 (out of 15) and there's still tons of stuff I want to do here. Mind you, the 10 days so far have been great - it already feels as if I've had a whole holiday - so having another 6 days left (I'm including today, since it's still the morning) is great.
I was staying in a hotel with A. until yesterday and then moved across to stay with my good old friend Steve yesterday. It's worked out really well this way; at the beginning A & I could go out and explore at will, not having to worry about what time we got up or got home. We started off doing the classic tourist things, like going on a couple of tourist bus tours which was brilliant because in a short space of time we got a feel of what was where (and which way was north). Naturally we had to "do" the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island (actually the immigration museum at Ellis Island was dead interesting), and the view from the top of the Empire State Building was nice to because we went up on a perfect weather day.
The vibe of the city is much nicer than I'd expected. I'd dated a New Yorker some years back and he was a selfish shit, and the reputation of New Yorkers is one of an aggressive people, but actually I've been surprised at how enjoyable and interesting they are. Although it's true that they don't say sorry when they push past you in the street and the subway (and for me as a Londoner to be saying it, it's quite something), overall they seem very friendly and cool. Yesterday Steve took me to a BBQ one of his friend's had organised and the 10 or so people there were all great. Apparently New Yorkers aren't representative of the rest of America, but I had a great time, and was much relieved to hear that none of them supported Bush. I have to say, given that everyone at the BBQ was straight, I was impressed at how liberal they all were - I'd be hard pushed to come up with a more liberal straight crowd back in London. But maybe that's just representative of Steve's friends than of the country - and there is a reason why Steve and I are such good friends: if he was a bible bashing anti-everyone Texan who was proud of the death penalty, then we wouldn't be friends… and liberal people usually have liberal friends, so I guess it's not so surprising that I liked his friends.
Actually it's been very cool catching up with Steve. He was my neighbour for 3-4 months in 1997 in Japan. He lived in the room next to mine in a dorm in central Tokyo. There was a sink in the corridor between every other room, and so he was my sink-buddy as well as my neighbour, so we used to chat whilst shaving and used to hang out regularly. I've got the impression I was his first gay friend (actually, I should check that with him…), and he was my first straight American Jewish friend. It was very cool.
And now, all these years later, I'm crashing at his place for a week. And it's great fun. New York in many ways doesn't seem new. From all the stories he and other friends have told me, and from the endless shots I've seen in films and TV series, it feels like an old friend - even though it is my first time here.
I hooked up with A French ex-boyfriend of mine for a lovely meal and I've bumped into people I know too - which just reinforces the familiar feeling. I bumped into a friend in a gay bar, into another in a shopping centre (in the most unpleasant Century 21 - a discount store which is popular due to its low prices, but which doesn't have a fitting-room, doesn't let you try on most clothes, has rude unhelpful staff and is the closest thing I've experienced to shopping-hell. Still, the low prices tempted me into buying a nice shirt and some new underwear). The rest of the shopping has been great- there seems to be more choice than in London, and the prices are lower, so that's been great. Oh and the food is so much better than I was expecting. American food in London really isn't very nice, but here it's delicious. I surprised Steve's friends yesterday by saying that American "French toast" is delicious. And there seem to be places to eat on every street - it's phenomenal how many eateries they have here. Ironically I'm not getting to eat as many dishes as I'd like to. I love having multiple courses in a meal - and they've got so many tempting dishes on the menus - but the portions are just so big I only get to order one main (which I rarely finish), and no started and no desert. If only they didn't serve so much, I'd order deserts (which look amazing)… I've not had one once - perhaps one meal I'll just skip the starter and main course and head straight for the cheesecake (which has been recommended, but which I have yet to try!). The other day we went to Tao Restaurant (www.taorestaurant.com) which had a great atmosphere and nice food.
The bars and clubs are cool too - and I've met plenty of friendly guys (actually I've met *loads* of friendly guys. People here are just so easy to talk to) and hooked up with friends too (including a gay friend from Japan who just happens to be here on holiday!).
And I've still got 6 days left. Marvellous! Right, enough computer - back to the fun city! See ya when I get back x
Posted by ThatP @ 04:33 PM GMT [Link] [20 comments]
Monday, 6, September , 2004
Less than a week to go until my New York trip! I can’t believe I’ve never been before. I consider myself well travelled, and yet I’ve never been to London’s sister-town. Bizarre. My travelling companion has apparently been overdosing on Sex and the City in preparation – I reckon he’s just saying it for effect, rather than actually endless re-watching the same old episodes! Although with him, you never do know ;-) A New Yorker friend of mine said I shouldn’t expect as much glamour and fun in NY as I see in Sex In the City – but he’s a chilled guy, so perhaps it’s just not his lifestyle; after all, my life in London is pretty much like the TV series, so I don’t see why it would downgrade during my holiday in the big apple, that really wouldn’t make any sense!
One thing I have done, in preparation is figure out what cocktails I like. This is a good thing to know in general mind you – something the government should have in its “preparing for emergencies” propaganda leaflet. Far more useful than being told to stock up on tinned food, I’d like to know how I’m supposed to surf the net without electricity. I suppose my mobile and laptop both have batteries, so I’d still get by – but what when the batteries run out? Now that would be a disaster on a par with having to eat tinned food.
Last month transformed itself into a good one after all. I went to a swimming club on and had a fantastic swim. I’m used to being one of the fast at the pool at my local Holmes Place, but there I was definitely not in the fastest group of it… I really had to push myself, so if I join the club then it’s almost certainly going to further improve my fitness – which is great. What with all the cycling I’ve been doing I feel the once comical notion of finding a FitP side to myself isn’t sounding so ridiculous (and might already be happening) - and it’s great because I have more energy and I’m sleeping better.
Project+ is still going very well, which is pleasing me no end – but it means I’m going out SO much less. It’s amazing how busy you can be when you’ve got three jobs on the go!
I’d better get planning for New York though – I wonder what’s cool to do there? Anyone got any suggestions? Oh god, and what am I going to pack? The dollar’s weak so the shopping should be good – but Americans seem to wear much looser clothes than we do in Europe, I wonder if I’ll be able to find anything I like? Oh, dilemmas dilemmas!
Posted by ThatP @ 07:15 PM GMT [Link] [22 comments]
Thursday, 19, August , 2004
A guide to breakfasts.
I was amazed to hear that a friend of mine thought I had solid food for breakfast, and even more surprised to hear he didn’t know what a *’s breakfast is. So for the record, and as a service to the greater internet public, here is the definitive list of what counts as breakfast, and what it’s called.
A *’s breakfast: a coffee and a cigarette
A cheap *’s breakfast: a coke and a cigarette
A cheap tacky *’s breakfast: a coke, which (s)he drinks first, breaks the can in half and uses the half can as an ashtray
A fat cheap tacky *’s breakfast: as above, but with a diet coke
A clubbers breakfast: a Redbull and a chocolate bar
A hungry clubbers breakfast: as above but the chocolate bar will be king sized.
A fresh-faced French breakfast: a croissant and juice (must be eaten after 9 am)
A regular French breakfast: croissant and coffee
A busy Frenchman’s Breakfast: coffee or juice (no food)
A builder’s breakfast: a Sausage, some rashers of bacon, fried egg, baked beans
A fat builder’s breakfast: as above, but more sausages
A heart attack breakfast: as above but more of everything, eaten daily
A bourgeois English breakfast: as above once a month, using range eggs (scrambled instead of fried) and organic sausages
A pretentious bourgeois English breakfast: as above, but using duck eggs for the scrambled eggs.
A gay man’s dream breakfast: sex followed by any of the above
My breakfast this morning? ….. that would be telling.
Posted by ThatP @ 07:44 PM GMT [Link] [126 comments]
Saturday, 7, August , 2004
ThatP thanks Ann Wells for writing this:
My brother in law opened the bottom drawer of my sister`s bureau and lifted out a tissue wrapped package.
"This," he said , "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite with an astronomical figure on it still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the undertaker.
His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me:
“Don`t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you`re alive is a special occasion." I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad duties that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them in the car returning to London from the south west where my sister`s family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn`t seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realising that they were special. I`m still thinking about his words, and they`ve changed my life.
I`m reading more and dusting less. I`m sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I`m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in Soho.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savour, not endure.
I`m trying to recognise these moments now and cherish them. I`m not saving anything; I use my good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unblocked, or when the tube’s on time. I wear my good trousers to the supermarket if I like. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out £28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I`m not saving my good aftershave for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and cashiers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends.
"Someday" and "One of these days" are losing grip on my vocabulary. If its worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and experience it now.
I`m not sure what my sister would`ve done had she known that she wouldn`t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologise and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favourite food.
I`m guessing - I`ll never know. It`s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get In touch with - someday. Angry because I hadn`t written certain letters that I intended to write - one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn`t tell my family and friends often enough how much I truly love them.
I`m trying very hard not to put off, hold back or save anything that would add laughter and lustre to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift, that’s why its called the present.
Posted by ThatP @ 02:08 PM GMT [Link] [19 comments]
Saturday, 24, July , 2004
So this is Berlin. I’m having a fantastic weekend here with D. The city is so spacious….And so green. It seems cool, much more chilled than I was expecting. Yesterday we hung out on the imported beach – chatting away and catching up on lots of thoughts. D is great to talk to – he really is. Am surprised at how many foreigners there are. Which is a great asset to any city – am I’m not talking about the obvious sights, but just about in general… Yet as a tourist myself, I would have welcomed meeting more (sexy) Germans, and bumping into fewer French/American/Brits…. Must make the city much more fun to live in though!
A surprising thing (at least to me) is that it somehow it seems like an empty city. As if it used to be a city, then all the people moved out as they rebuilt it - and that most of the people didn’t find their way back. The streets are wide and despite being in “Berlin Mitte” – a central district, I’ve often been the only person in the street at any one time. But it’s cool. I’m here with D, a very special friend, and he’s been trying to convince me to love this city and move here…
It’s super clean, and today as well as seeing the Brandenburg Gate and the Reichstag we hung out in the Sony Centre which is a huge modern complex which seems to give a sense of the direction this city is going in. There are loads of cute little squares, which I didn’t except – a bit like in Rome, and which give it lots of personality and charm
I’m totally underwhelemed by the gay scene, but tonight’s Saturday night, so we’ll see what that brings us. Although to be fair, last night we did go to a nice bar which had comfy sofas – so although it wasn’t at all intense, it was suitably civilised and pleasant. Anyway, off out soon, so I’d better get going!
Posted by ThatP @ 10:32 PM GMT [Link] [109 comments]
Thursday, 15, July , 2004
The evidence has started to pile in – which leads me to this:
“Forgive me friends, for I have sinned. I appear to have broken singleton rule # 563. For this I am deeply sorry.”
First came an e-mail – it was there waiting for me when I woke up and struggled to my computer this morning, hoping to find a comforting message or two. Instead the e-mail from a mate informed me of a movie-plan we’d made. Apparently I’d suggested that we meet tonight at 10:30pm. That’s this evening, a weekday! A weekday on the busiest most exhausting day at work of the week! Why on earth did I suggest meeting late on a Thursday?
For some reason when we spoke last night I’d asked to see him Friday, but since he was busy then, I’d offered Thursday evening instead. But then, realising that I already have dinner plans in Wapping tonight, I’d said I could only meet at 10:30. I haven’t quite figured out why he agreed (I think he was sober), but he did. Finding out this morning, in the mid-headache-filled waking up stage, that I have to be in Brixton at 10:30 tonight was not really what I would call ideal – but I comforted myself with a big glass of water and ploughed on.
The paracetamol seemed to take care of things fairly quickly and I once the morning was over (and I’d got back into productive-P mode) I thought I was safe and dry. But no! I’ve just received a text message from Barbara-darling, and apparently I proposed to her. I don’t even remember talking to her, let alone proposing. Thank god she knows I’m gay. Can’t imagine how awful it could have been if she didn’t know and thought I fancied her! I checked, and at least I didn’t try to make any plans to meet with her – but she just laughed when I asked her what we had talked about. Shucks.
A slight source of comfort is that as I got ready for work, I found my wallet in the front room – and not in the bed room (where I presumably made the calls from!)…. So that’s one potential disaster that didn’t happen. Or perhaps that’s a shame; I might have all sorts of goodies being delivered if I’d had my Amex with me!)
I remember being very hungry during the night, and wishing McDonald’s delivered. I have this awful feeling that I might, just possibly, have called up the operator and tried to convince her that it’d be a really cool thing if she organised such a delivery service. Given that I can’t remember any 118 numbers at the best of times, and that I detest MaccyD’s, it was probably just a weird dream I had, rather than something I actually did – but the possibility that it just *might* have happened, even if it’s REALLY REALLY unlikely, does make me cringe. Shame on me P!
In a rather enlightened moment I must have called and left a long message on Mr Q’s answer phone, asking him to e-mail me certain pieces of information I was afraid of forgetting. And true to form, he e-mailed them to me. I was delighted at that stroke of genius. I am Mr No-short-term-memory; given that I didn’t remember making the call, I would indeed not have remembered that when I was still sober I had organised certain things for later in the week. Sadly, given on the one hand, the completeness of Mr Q’s e-mail, and on the other hand, the absence of any notes on tonight’s movie plans, I can only conclude that I made the call to my “PA” first. – Which leaves me without any documentation about the most embarrassing calls.
What I find most alarming about having broken singleton rule # 563 “never drink-and-dial”, is that between now and getting my itemised phone bill I have absolutely no way of knowing *how many* other calls I made last night – how many people am I accidentally going to stand up? This is not good. Can I make a humble appeal to all my friends to inform me of any plans I suggested or made late last night? (Mind you, my dearest friends), if I just made a fool of myself, rather than a plan, I’m not entirely certain I need to be reminded of the fact! I’m being honest and open – be gentle, OK? ;-)
Right, now that I’ve appropriately pleaded, it’s time to get back to writing my lines:
I must never ever drink and dial
I must never ever drink and dial
I must never ever drink and dial
I must never ever…..
Posted by ThatP @ 05:20 PM GMT [Link] [12 comments]
Friday, 18, June , 2004
Blimey, what a week! What a mind-blowing month! There is so much life going on right now. Good life, bad life but there’s so much of it going on I feel so fucking alive. Luckily right now there’s a whole heap of good stuff that’s helping me deal with the bad stuff…..
Right now, at this very instant I’ve become hopelessly addicted to 3 songs – and somehow the music is really helping. It’s giving me so much energy. As is all this sunshine. Oh, and I’m on a total exercise induced high. I’ve heard people say that exercise can have a big emotional impact on you – and to be honest I never really believed it because I’d never felt the impact – but 10 days ago I got a bike and I’m feeling the effect – boy am I feeling the impact! Absolutely fabulous. I’ve cycled lots and lots – probably did more exercise in this past week than I had in the previous 6 months – and I feel so good. So horny too – which is just absolutely great. And my stomach muscles are getting more toned, as is my butt – and my back (which has been a constant cause of problems this year) is strengthening up and so it’s easier to sit up straight… all marvellous – especially right now, because my asthma is being completely rubbish again (am back on 4 doses of steroids a day) and usually that makes my back worse, so having the cycling strengthen it up has avoided a repeat of that problem. Fab!
Work has been an unfolding nightmare over the past 2 months, and 3 weeks ago the shit completely completely hit the fan. I’m contractually forbidden from writing or discussing my current job on this site – but it’s been very ugly indeed. There’s a bully there who’s a complete pig - and it appears it’s my turn to put up with his shit. Let me just say that the only way for him to become more aggressive towards me would be if he actually hit me. That’s how verbally aggressive he’s been. Ugly ugly man*. But somehow this week I’ve changed my tact completely and I’ve decided to disempower the bully’s words and behaviour. Had a long long chat with a Buddhist guy who’s helped me find a way to ignore the current work shit, and just let it exist without it getting to me… And that fabulous advice combined with my current addiction to the new Janet Jackson song** has created a very protective bubble in my world right now. I feel the sky could fall down and I’d still be fine – well for as long and the song lasts anyway (so it’s lucky that it’s stuck in my mind on endless single-repeat then! :-)
Oh, and I’m reading an amazing book. Armistead Maupin “The Night Listener” – which is really really sad – but I’m finding it very uplifting. Which is either the point of the book, or some freaky unintended response it’s creating in me – either way it’s very helpful.
What else is going on? Well a very good friend has become very sick indeed, which is prompting me to go on many visits to the hospital… I do hope he’ll be OK. Hugs babes; I’m thinking of ya’.
The visits have given an almighty boost to my already flourishing “Live Fun Campaign”. Boy does it remind me of how much we have to make the most of life…... My dressing younger and skimpier has proved very popular – and now that the cycling has super-flattened out my tummy I’ve got the confidence to wear sexier clothing – and the impact has been phenomenal. I’m getting so much attention. And quite frankly with so much shit going on around me, it’s absolutely very much welcome. Bring it on. I’ve not had this much attention from guys since I was 17. The best is that I’m simply enjoying it – it’s not about feeling I need attention at all – it’s about enjoying the good times :-)
There’s been more trauma (and I’m not being a drama queen here), but I’ve managed to make a good guy feel very insecure. Entirely my fault – even if it’s his issues, it’s my behaviour that’s promoted his current unease – which is totally rubbish of me, since I normally go out of my way to at least *try* to make the world a better place… Let’s hope the wind blows the unease away ASAP. Hugs to you too Mr Q.
In other news: god has contacted me a fair few times with text messages. Seems we’ll become mate, which suits me fine. Actually would quite like that, because I know he fancies me, which is a good ego boost - even if he’s not dating material. It’s not the vain ego boost I like, it’s the fun aspect. A slight flirting, and just plain good old having fun. Keep it coming :-)
There’s so much more going on – BB addiction, a sex life rebirth (weh hey), and just so much energy – I was born to live like this.
* clearly I mean he’s an ugly man in the personality-way…..
** Janet Jackon: All nite (don’t stop). Available on Napster for £1.09 (sadly without the video)
Posted by ThatP @ 08:25 PM GMT [Link] [20 comments]
Sunday, 6, June , 2004
It’s just past midnight, so I should really be asleep now – I’ll be getting up at 7 to go to work :-( But it’s been a funny old day – should have been fun, but ended up in hospital with a family member instead. It was all a false alert, so that was cool – but better safe than sorry, as they say. Still, it ended up being a very different day to the one I was expecting.
Isn’t strange how hospitals have coke vending machines? Just like Boots the chemist sells Mars bars and crisps – I suppose it’s market forces and all that, but both examples still always surprise me. It’d be like the Church giving out spray paint or something.
I’m on a mini-mission to notice absurdities this week. You know how there’s a “walk your child to school” week on at the moment? Well since I don’t have a child, I’m running my own spot-the-absurdity week instead.
Another absurdity is bullies – everyone knows a bully right? And everyone knows they’re a coward about something – yet somehow (and suddenly I’m talking from a very personal experience), they still manage to be intimidating arseholes… True but absurd.
I feel like I’m on a roll here, so I’ll carry on. How about texting? I thought the whole point was that it was quick and cheaper than calling – but somehow making even a tiny decision takes at least 3 texts over the course of an hour – so ends up taking much more time than a quick call – and since most of us would call from work to decide where to meet up at night (i.e. it would cost us nothing), we end up paying more than we would with a phone call because we have to pay for our texts ourselves.
Oh, here’s a good one. Why is it that having sex, makes us want to have more sex? Shouldn’t the fact that we’ve had sex make us satisfied? But instead once you start having sex, for example: after a drought, then somehow we want sex more often? Absurd – although I did hear an explanation once which I think made sense – it was something about the endorphins released during the process being addictive – but I can’t remember the details so am going to ignore them for the sake of trying to be funny :-)
Oh, you don’t mind if I switch topics briefly do you? Here’s a pet hate - I hate it when I take my glasses off at and then can’t see them when I need them – most of the time I’ve got contacts, so it’s not a problem, but that only makes it worse when I can’t find my glasses – I’m so not used to not seeing, that I usually end up going round and round and round the flat before finding them – a point some of the more avid web-cam watchers amongst you may already have noticed!
Posted by ThatP @ 07:23 PM GMT [Link] [170 comments]
Wednesday, 5, May , 2004
I’ve got a little true story I’d like to share with you, but first, I want to welcome (ideally, I’d like to *personally* welcome) the 7.5 million* gay Eastern Europeans who became citizens of the European Union over the weekend. I wish you well, hope you enjoy many benefits with your new membership and I look forward to sharing good times and opportunities with you. Long live the EU (oh, and whilst we’re at it, long live Eastern European gay boys!).
And now for a true story:
A super close friend of mine left the country today. He’s moving to Germany, which leaves me very sad. But a good comforting note is that he’s had a fantastic last month in London. He met a guy in a bar about 4 weeks ago, and they got on famously. Sex was (by all accounts) very spectacular, and they totally clicked. My friend hadn’t really met anyone nice in the many years he lived in London, and now that he was about to leave, he met someone wonderful. How many times do you hear about guys meeting someone “amazing” just as they’re about to move countries? All the time right?! How about meeting someone amazing when you’re on holiday? That happens all the time as well! Or you meet someone when you’re already in a relationship. People are always meeting people at the most inconvenient times – that’s what all these situations have in common. And I think it’s obvious why: in all these situations people are relaxed, they’re not worrying about “what will happen”, they’re just out to have a good relaxed fun time. They’re not being demanding, they’ve not got expectations.
I think the sure fire relationship-killer is thinking about whether things will work. If you’re asking yourself at the beginning whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you’re almost sure to destroy any chances of anything happening – I’d go as far as to say you’re even ruling out the possibility of a short-term relationship. Well, that’s my new theory anyway…..
…. And it just happens that the “just have fun” approach to dating fits in *p e r f e c t l y* with the whole “just enjoy life” vibe I’m on at the moment. To be blunt, I had a crap couple of years, a while back, and now I think “fuck it, I’m just going to have fun again”. I’ve started playing louder music, not giving a damn what people think of me (I’m still a nice “I want to make the world a better place” kind of a guy, but…. I’m not letting people judge me anymore. I’ll give you an example. I’ve wanted to have webcams on my site for ages: since webcams were available in the shops. But I didn’t at first because of bandwidth issues… and then when I could, I wasn’t in the fun stage of my life… But recently thanks to the sexy influence of Ryan Carter, I’ve got into the whole webcam vibe thing again.
Then I remembered that I had wanted to put a cam online, but for a brief oldP moment, I thought, “no, Andy will think it’s really weird”. And “no, my parents totally won’t get it” – and I had that thought for a couple of days and then thought “fuck it, I think it’ll be fun. I’ll do it.” Who cares what friends and family think? It’s just me having some fun, and nobody has the right to judge that – and if they do, well that’s their issue, and I’m not going to make it my issue. Life’s much better that way. I think I always used to bang on about openness and honesty (and of course in some ways the online cams fit in very well with that), but now I’m concentrating more on just enjoying life. Less analytical processes and more following what feels right and fun. And it’s working wonders for me right now.
So, for the first time since I was 17, I’m going to drop the old interview-style dates and replace them with just hanging out with guys who seem interesting and sexy. No first round, second round – just good old let’s meet, drink, eat and have a good evening. The approach seems to be working – as I’ve been asked out by 4 guys this week. Doubt I’ll sleep with any of them, but planning on having fun rather than wondering if they’d make suitable boyfriends is SO MUCH LESS STRESSFUL! It’s great – I think I’m going to enjoy the fun-dating approach.
Oh a side note, I’ve also noticed that guys have started grabbing my arse in public – the other day I was at a bar and it seemed as if everyone who walked past grabbed it. I suppose that’s rude, but the novelty made it quite fun. The only thing that’s changed is that I’ve bought a pair of jeans (I’m dressing younger, did I mention that? It’s also part of the live-life, life-fun campaign) instead of wearing smarter trousers… But that can’t be the reason, can it?
Anyway, I’m off to Paris tomorrow till Sunday, so that’ll be nice – and then back to fun fun P in London next week. Marvellous.
*Who knows how many there really are, estimates for gay people as a percentage of total population range from 1% to 10%. Since the 10 nation states that joined the new enlarged European Union contain 75 million people, then in the unlikely event that only 1% of them are gay, that’s still 750,000 new gay boys and girls for the EU! For no good reason at all, I believe that 4% of the world is gay – meaning that we’ve got another 3 million in the EU club. Fantastic.
Posted by ThatP @ 09:20 PM GMT [Link] [96 comments]
Monday, 19, April , 2004
Ah, the joys of a relaxing weekend… I’ve been completely occupied with work this year – having worked pretty much every weekend since the beginning of February (except the party weekend, which was fantastic fun, but what with the preparation and clearing up (oh, and copious amounts of Vodka) was exhausting!) – so this weekend I really enjoyed just chilling. I spent Friday night in just relxain, watching TV and playing online. Had my first lie in on Saturday and then a friend’s birthday on Saturday evening. Oh, and had a lovely swim. I do like swimming. It’s good exercise, you get that lovely feeling of water flowing over you (you know that feeling of the water going down the back of your neck? Ah, I love it. Really love it. Mind you, love being stroked there to…. :)
Think I’m going to go to Paris in a few weeks for 3 days to visit the family. I called my grandparents over Easter and got lots of stick for not having gone over in ages – which is my bad because I love them so much, and ya’ know, my grandmother’s 89 years old, so I shouldn’t take them for granted…
I’ve been telling my friends that I’m feeling fantastic these days (especially now that I’ve had a weekend to catch up on sleep – I was tired before, I was going to bed at 2 a.m and getting up 7:30, which is a bit of a drain really – still, having lots of clients is a good thing! So I’m not complaining :-) But overall this whole year I’ve been in a buzzy happy mood.
The sad news is that a super super good friend is leaving the county in 2 weeks which is 3 months earlier than planned :-( We spent the whole of Sunday together just lying around chatting, so that was really cool. I worked with him a couple years back before we became friends. We’ve connected on so many levels that I’m going to really miss him once he’s moved to Germany. The plus side is that he’s as techno-friendly as me, so he’ll get a web cam for some long MSN messenger chats, and international phone calls are dirt cheap….. still, for all the pluses, the fact remains that he’s following an established trend of my friends leaving the country. Wish a few more of them would stick around….
The other big new thing this week is that I’ve gone wireless* (and slightly webcam mad too). I felt like I had suddenly fallen out of touch with everything technological. I remember the days when I was on top of what was happening online, working for a dotcom etc… but now new things come in and I don’t even notice. I was delighted to find out how well the whole 802.11G wireless stuff works. Now got a wireless laptop in the sitting room and another in the bedroom – which is sooooo lasy. I can now check my e-mail from bed (instead of getting up to do so, which means I get a bonus 5 minutes lying down in the mornings) or from the sofa during the ads in the middle of Friends. The cams are fun too. I’ve found that a few friends are checking them before calling me to see if I’m in and …. Which is weird, but pretty funky. I’ve always said I live my life like an open book and have nothing to hide, but this experimental web cam stuff is really expanding my limits. Still, I like trying out new stuff, so this fits in just fine.
* wouldn’t mind if power went wireless! What’s the point in going wireless when you need a power cord? Honestly!
Posted by ThatP @ 09:15 PM GMT [Link] [31 comments]
Friday, 9, April , 2004
It’s official: P throws fantastic parties. 
What a great party! I love parties, and I love my parties; they always turn out so well – it’s all because of the guests though…. And I have such lovely friends! Gosh, I sound as if I’m drunk – yet this is now the morning after (although, I suppose I was drinking Vodka till 4am and it’s only 10:23 now, so perhaps I am still drunk!)
I always have a theme, and this one was had a chocolate-vodka Easter theme. (can I just say: I chose such a good way plan a party: take two of my favourite things, and base an entire party around them. And as I found out, it’s amazing how many uses you can find for Vodka.
And I always try to invite a slightly different selection of people, which gives every party a really different vibe. I invited my mother to this one, with her best friend (who’s totally fab and practically family), and of course her boyfriend. It was a particularly friendly & interesting crowd – there were lots of great conversations and yet the abundance of Vodka (8 litres of the stuff for 20 people), kept things very merry. We had lots of dancing and in what has become a tradition at my parties, everyone ended up in the bedroom chatting on the bed for the last 3 hours. I love the way people lie down with legs, heads and arms all over the place. There’s a growing number of people at my parties who know each other, and so they are ever more relaxed with each other, and it makes all the new people feel welcome and comfortable on the bed. I actually did some cunning things to ensure it’d end up in the bedroom by telling everyone when they arrived to put their coats and bags “next to the bed, so that if people want to sit down later* then they won’t crush you coats!”… everyone agreed and of course it reminded them where they were going to end up…
Menu: P's first Lasagne Mini-jacket potatoes with brie, garlic, fresh black pepper and goats cheese Coriander, pin-nuts & palm-hearts salad with a raspberry vinegar dressing Rocket & walnut salad with balsamic vinegar and Dijon mustard dressing P’s devil-tomatoes: baby tomatoes soaked in Vodka for 24 hours - Vodka-Chocolate moose (thanks hon!) Chocolate cake (thanks the other hon!) Dark chocolate fondue*
Milk chocolate fondue*
*fresh pineapple, strawberries, banana & marshmallows for dipping - Absolut Vodka-orange
Absolut Vodka-red-bull
Absolut Vodka-coke
Absolut Vodka-tonic
Absolut Citron
Absolut on the rocks |
What was so cool about this one, was that it felt as if I had three parties in one. First it was the interesting “chatting with the fantastic food” (I’m just quoting other people here, I wouldn’t dream of boasting :-), then the dancing and then the bed chilled chatting. Each part of the evening felt like a party in its own right.
One disappointing turn of events was with Nelson. I saw him on a couple of dates a couple of months back and had invited him to the party. He was friendly and nice looking and we’d had enjoyable sex. He seemed keener than me – I like taking my time over these things and getting to know someone slowly over time. He seemed to want a decision within the first two meetings – which was flattering but not a time scale I operate on. He tried really hard to make a good impression – which inevitably kept him fairly tense & awkward during conversation. It was a shame, because I really wanted him to relax and chill out and simply not try so hard…. Anyway he asked me to call, but I didn’t. I did want to see him, but some how I got caught up with work and other things so I figured I’d invite him to the party to see him in a less intense setting. Thought it’d be cool to see how he mixed with my friends etc etc.
He was the first to arrive at the party, which wase nice. Everything was pretty much ready, so we just chatted, had a drink and then one fantastic snog. Got me really horny, and we decided to have that long-overdue date #3. Anyway, it turns out he’s a complete flirt. I was just about to tell an ex of mine that I was going to go on date 3 with Nelson, when the ex told me he thought Nelson had just made a pass at him. A bit later in the evening someone else asked me if Nelson and someone else (i.e. not my ex) were going out because… and then much later on Andy asked me to ask the people who were having sex in the bathroom to leave because there was an enormous queue for the bathroom and people had been waiting for half an hour… and who should be come out? Nelson & bisexual-Jack*!! I was so surprised. Was this the same Nelson who I’d arranged to go on a date with earlier that very same party? Oh yes, it was! Needless to say that date has been cancelled… I’m actually quite proud of the effective way I dealt with situation: Bi-sexual Jack didn’t know I had a date lined up, so I wasn’t cross with him, and welcomed him back into the chilled bed-chatting group with open arms (where he promptly started flirting with Andy (again)) – and Nelson? Well I was miffed that he should be such a tart in my bathroom at my party when he’d arranged a date with me – so I made a point of avoiding any eye contact… he got the hint and left. But once he’d gone I realised I wasn’t actually angry – I was disappointed because a date I’d been looking forward to had been cancelled – but a the same time, we’d only seen each other a couple of times, so I wasn’t emotionally invested – and so it was probably just as well that I found out he wasn’t suitable sooner rather than later!
We’ve texted and spoken since – and I’m cool with the idea of staying friends, and at the same time made it clear that he’s not eligible for a second chance on the dating front…. It’s a funny situation, because I can be a right old flirt myself, so I’m not really judging him in the conventional sense. I mean, if he’d gone to another party without me, and he’d snogged someone there, I wouldn’t have been in a position to complain because quite simply we weren’t going out: we had 2 dates over a month ago….. but I think it was the fact that he did it so blatantly at my party so soon after arranging our next date that has made him unsuitable….
ManlyB wrote a sweet gaydar message the following day saying he’d really enjoyed the lovely party and that he hoped the Nelson incident didn’t spoil my nite… but the thing is, it really didn’t. I had a fabulous nite and found out not to bother with Nelson – as I said at the time, I’d rather find out now, than in 20 dates time!
Overall though, I think it was my most successful party thus far: two difference people sent in cards saying thank you – people never write cards to thank you for a party, so I was really pleased. And I had a great time myself! All I need to do now, is start thinking about the theme for the next one!
* I only have 3 chairs in my flat, and one of those is made of cardboard. The sofa sits 3 max, and I have one muji cube to sit on. So since there were over 20 people, by the end there are always quite a few who are eager to sit down…
apparently things had not in reality progressed as far as “full sex” in that half an hour. I am informed that most clothes stayed on…. Don’t you hate these Clinton-style descriptions?
* formely “straight-Jack, who was never really straight, but was described as such due to a misunderstanding.
Posted by ThatP @ 10:32 AM GMT [Link] [46 comments]
Sunday, 7, March , 2004
60%
I feel a little tipsy, having had wine with lunch (something I rarely do), so I’m not in the working mood at all. Which is a shame really, because I’m at work. I do hope my boss doesn’t walk past any time soon – I’d hate to have to explain what this document was…. Oh well, I’m VERY productive the rest of the time, so I’ll just go with this for now. Besides, it’s better to recognise that I’m not going to be productive now, than to try and then to make mistakes!
Lunch was with a super cute ex of mine, and we had a good old chat. (he’s so cute!) Anyway, rather than dragging you down memory lane with me (which might not be all that clean…), what I want to do, is talk about a particular saying of mine which he reminded me of. He said he only ever understood the extent of my positive outlook on life, when I told him my “60%” story. So I’d like to share that with you today;
Let me explain… You know how people say you’re either a “the glass is half empty”, or a “the glass is half full” type of person? Well, what I say – is that both of those options are technically incorrect. The glass people describe is in fact 60% full. Why? Because you never fill a glass right to the rim - so when a glass appears half full/empty, then you’ve still got 60% of what you have to start with. Which is great – if you’ve already taken 5 sips, then you probably have 7.5 sips left!
The point behind my saying is that in most cases I will find the good news and enjoy that, rather than focusing on the bad stuff – it makes my happy anyway, and that’s what counts!
Posted by ThatP @ 08:00 PM GMT [Link] [16 comments]
