Friday, June 18, 2004
Blimey, what a week! What a mind-blowing month! There is so much life going on right now. Good life, bad life but there’s so much of it going on I feel so fucking alive. Luckily right now there’s a whole heap of good stuff that’s helping me deal with the bad stuff…..
Right now, at this very instant I’ve become hopelessly addicted to 3 songs – and somehow the music is really helping. It’s giving me so much energy. As is all this sunshine. Oh, and I’m on a total exercise induced high. I’ve heard people say that exercise can have a big emotional impact on you – and to be honest I never really believed it because I’d never felt the impact – but 10 days ago I got a bike and I’m feeling the effect – boy am I feeling the impact! Absolutely fabulous. I’ve cycled lots and lots – probably did more exercise in this past week than I had in the previous 6 months – and I feel so good. So horny too – which is just absolutely great. And my stomach muscles are getting more toned, as is my butt – and my back (which has been a constant cause of problems this year) is strengthening up and so it’s easier to sit up straight… all marvellous – especially right now, because my asthma is being completely rubbish again (am back on 4 doses of steroids a day) and usually that makes my back worse, so having the cycling strengthen it up has avoided a repeat of that problem. Fab!
Work has been an unfolding nightmare over the past 2 months, and 3 weeks ago the shit completely completely hit the fan. I’m contractually forbidden from writing or discussing my current job on this site – but it’s been very ugly indeed. There’s a bully there who’s a complete pig - and it appears it’s my turn to put up with his shit. Let me just say that the only way for him to become more aggressive towards me would be if he actually hit me. That’s how verbally aggressive he’s been. Ugly ugly man*. But somehow this week I’ve changed my tact completely and I’ve decided to disempower the bully’s words and behaviour. Had a long long chat with a Buddhist guy who’s helped me find a way to ignore the current work shit, and just let it exist without it getting to me… And that fabulous advice combined with my current addiction to the new Janet Jackson song** has created a very protective bubble in my world right now. I feel the sky could fall down and I’d still be fine – well for as long and the song lasts anyway (so it’s lucky that it’s stuck in my mind on endless single-repeat then! :-)
Oh, and I’m reading an amazing book. Armistead Maupin “The Night Listener” – which is really really sad – but I’m finding it very uplifting. Which is either the point of the book, or some freaky unintended response it’s creating in me – either way it’s very helpful.
What else is going on? Well a very good friend has become very sick indeed, which is prompting me to go on many visits to the hospital… I do hope he’ll be OK. Hugs babes; I’m thinking of ya’.
The visits have given an almighty boost to my already flourishing “Live Fun Campaign”. Boy does it remind me of how much we have to make the most of life…... My dressing younger and skimpier has proved very popular – and now that the cycling has super-flattened out my tummy I’ve got the confidence to wear sexier clothing – and the impact has been phenomenal. I’m getting so much attention. And quite frankly with so much shit going on around me, it’s absolutely very much welcome. Bring it on. I’ve not had this much attention from guys since I was 17. The best is that I’m simply enjoying it – it’s not about feeling I need attention at all – it’s about enjoying the good times :-)
There’s been more trauma (and I’m not being a drama queen here), but I’ve managed to make a good guy feel very insecure. Entirely my fault – even if it’s his issues, it’s my behaviour that’s promoted his current unease – which is totally rubbish of me, since I normally go out of my way to at least *try* to make the world a better place… Let’s hope the wind blows the unease away ASAP. Hugs to you too Mr Q.
In other news: god has contacted me a fair few times with text messages. Seems we’ll become mate, which suits me fine. Actually would quite like that, because I know he fancies me, which is a good ego boost - even if he’s not dating material. It’s not the vain ego boost I like, it’s the fun aspect. A slight flirting, and just plain good old having fun. Keep it coming :-)
There’s so much more going on – BB addiction, a sex life rebirth (weh hey), and just so much energy – I was born to live like this.
* clearly I mean he’s an ugly man in the personality-way…..
** Janet Jackon: All nite (don’t stop). Available on Napster for £1.09 (sadly without the video)
Posted by ThatP @ 08:25 PM GMT [Link] [12 comments]
Sunday, June 6, 2004
It’s just past midnight, so I should really be asleep now – I’ll be getting up at 7 to go to work :-( But it’s been a funny old day – should have been fun, but ended up in hospital with a family member instead. It was all a false alert, so that was cool – but better safe than sorry, as they say. Still, it ended up being a very different day to the one I was expecting.
Isn’t strange how hospitals have coke vending machines? Just like Boots the chemist sells Mars bars and crisps – I suppose it’s market forces and all that, but both examples still always surprise me. It’d be like the Church giving out spray paint or something.
I’m on a mini-mission to notice absurdities this week. You know how there’s a “walk your child to school” week on at the moment? Well since I don’t have a child, I’m running my own spot-the-absurdity week instead.
Another absurdity is bullies – everyone knows a bully right? And everyone knows they’re a coward about something – yet somehow (and suddenly I’m talking from a very personal experience), they still manage to be intimidating arseholes… True but absurd.
I feel like I’m on a roll here, so I’ll carry on. How about texting? I thought the whole point was that it was quick and cheaper than calling – but somehow making even a tiny decision takes at least 3 texts over the course of an hour – so ends up taking much more time than a quick call – and since most of us would call from work to decide where to meet up at night (i.e. it would cost us nothing), we end up paying more than we would with a phone call because we have to pay for our texts ourselves.
Oh, here’s a good one. Why is it that having sex, makes us want to have more sex? Shouldn’t the fact that we’ve had sex make us satisfied? But instead once you start having sex, for example: after a drought, then somehow we want sex more often? Absurd – although I did hear an explanation once which I think made sense – it was something about the endorphins released during the process being addictive – but I can’t remember the details so am going to ignore them for the sake of trying to be funny :-)
Oh, you don’t mind if I switch topics briefly do you? Here’s a pet hate - I hate it when I take my glasses off at and then can’t see them when I need them – most of the time I’ve got contacts, so it’s not a problem, but that only makes it worse when I can’t find my glasses – I’m so not used to not seeing, that I usually end up going round and round and round the flat before finding them – a point some of the more avid web-cam watchers amongst you may already have noticed!
Posted by ThatP @ 07:23 PM GMT [Link] [60 comments]
