Tuesday, August 26, 2003
So here’s a curious situation. I was fortunate and privileged to experience a “speed date” evening at the Ku-bar last week. I wasn’t looking for a date, but had a very good reason to attend the event: a super-dear friend of mine wanted to go, and didn’t want to go alone [a feeling I understood before he’d finished saying it].On the one hand it felt wrong to go: it seemed unfair on the poor sods who might want to meet up with me after the event – because I’d not be available. But equally, each person meets many, so one fraudulent person was perhaps not the worst of all sins. Besides, it’s given me the opportunity to write this Spurt – and so vicariously through me, 50,000 of you will get to decided for yourselves what you think of the idea… and if you ask me, 1 fraud Vs 50,000 informed opinions has to be 1 tiny little fraud worth doing – not to mention the fact that I was doing this for my very dear friend…..
Before you lose all interest, those of you who don’t know what Speed dating is, let me explain briefly. Speed-dating, like all new concepts, was born in American*. Originally for straight singletons, 40 people are divided in two groups. People are paired off at tables for two and given 3 minutes to chat with each other. When the time is up, one group stays put and the other move along one table. The idea is that everyone from one group will get to talk to everyone of the other group – 3 minutes might not sounds like a lot, but the organisers will remind you that “you'd be surprise how easy it is to see if there's any chemistry with each of the people you meet”
I have to say the concept appealed to me when I first read about it in the Economist in January 2002 (when they’d cheekily called it “McDating”). I remember thinking half way through the article that it would be great to bring this straight American concept to Europe and make a gay version of it too… Well 18 months later, and it’s here. The $35 has somehow been reduced to £5 (which might say more about the typical Ku-bar customer than it does about anything else…) but other than that, everything else seems to be the same.
In the days after signing up, but before going, I’d tell anyone who would listen, that I thought it was a great concept. You get to see if you fancy each other, what the other people sound like, you don’t have to face rejection (you actually tick a check-card during the process and hand it in at the end, if you both tick each other then you both get sent each other’s e-mail address. If you don’t both tick the card: tough titty – there’s no match) – so it’s worth taking a risk. Besides, all the usual reasons such as being shy, nervous, not wanting to go to a bar alone, not wanting to try to pick-up in front of your friends, or umpteen other reasons why people sometimes don’t meet other people, all disappear. This is a painless way to meet lots of others. Why have 10 dates over the course of a month when most of the time the first few minutes is enough to tell if you half like the person of not? Might as well do 20 dates in one evening.
Or so I thought. I wasn’t looking for a date – so my perspective was slightly different to that of the other participants (I presume we weren’t all Press). The first thing I noticed, and this took me by surprise, was how nervous everyone seemed. Before the dating thing started, we were all gathered in the main bar area, mixed in with non-participants: but even at that point it was really obvious who was participating and who wasn’t, just but noticing who looked nervous. Obviously as the speed dating commenced, people slowly started to chill out and by the end I’d say most were quite relaxed.
Another surprise was that the conversations were all rather boring. You ended up having the same mini-conversation 20 times. Oh so you’re called Bill. What do you do Bill? Me? I’m a writer / interpreter / I.T blah blah [I got bored and ended up circulating through the various jobs I do, rather that just repeating the same one every time – besides if I’d mentioned every job I do, I’d use up the whole 3 minutes and know nothing about the guy opposite]. Perhaps that was the most troubling thing, in 3 minutes, you don’t have time to find out about the other person’s values, thoughts, opinions, priorities or anything much, other than their job, their name where they live and perhaps, if you both talked fairly fast, which bars they like. 5 people I talked to asked which bars I like, and so I answered truthfully – but there was no time to squeeze in the subtle point that I only go to bars once a month, so the one guy who said “oh wow, they’re my two favorite bars too” was barking up the wrong tree: or perhaps not. If I was looking for someone, his comment would have put me off – I’m not keen to date someone who seems to go to bars all the time. But the truth is, perhaps he only goes to bars twice a month too, and it happens that we both like the same bars. Who knows? Three minutes just isn’t long enough. I would be bewildered after 20 speed dates if I really had to choose who I wanted to meet a second time. This wasn’t what I’d expected, and I felt quite disappointed.
But, and this is one huge BUT [and no, I’m not talking about my arse – that’s still nice and toned thank you very much]*2: the main good points of the concept remain good. If you’re looking to meet lots of people, then this is an effective way of doing so. Three minutes isn’t enough time – but it’s thankfully short when you’re talking to someone who bores your tits off. If you think someone seems interesting and visa-versa, then you’ll get to meet them again. If things don’t work out with one, then there are plenty more to choose from. This way of dating will allow you to fix up many dates that at least you know you want to go on – the alternatives: blind-dates, gaydar dates, chatting people up in a bar etc all have good points, but equally, probably present a high statistical likelihood of you meeting someone you wouldn’t have chosen to go on a date with. This way in one evening you might arrange a handful of dates you’ll actually really look forward to – and that’s the whole point. Nerves, repetitive conversations aside – this is very effective at what it aims to do.
One thing I’d like to add, is that I went with a friend – having him there made it SOOOOO much more interesting. During the breaks we chatted and swapped opinions, and I have to say, taking the evening as a whole [speed-dating, drinks and a meal out], I had a great time. It was a laugh. Well worth the fiver*3.
-----
* of course, not all things American are good – but somehow we Europeans seem content with what we already have, and don’t bother coming-up with new stuff…. If there’s one thing social-aware Europe can learn from America, it’s: coming-up with new ideas. [How’s that – a tangent spurt in the middle of a main spurt]
*2 And yes, I know it’s double T.
*3 and no, I’m not on commission, although, come to think of it, if someone is interested in…..
Posted by ThatP @ 10:40 PM GMT [Link] [282 comments]
