Wednesday, October 22, 2003
I love to think of myself as being broad-minded, tolerant, open – happy to let others do what they want. So here’s the twist: recently I went to a friend’s house party, and was offered cocaine three times, by different people – and it really felt weird.
I’ve seen people who are on cocaine before – I used to work at investment banks, where it was very obvious that some of the staff “consumed” during their “toilet breaks”. I’ve seen it at parties before. Once when I went to the club Crash, I saw someone taking an enormous line of the stuff on the dance floor, I had sex with someone who took some in the middle of things (what does that say about me?!*) – But every instance has been well spaced out [pardon the pun]. What made this party so different was that it seemed as if there were only two of us who weren’t on the powder. I find Ecstasy-bunnies dead annoying –bizarrely I don’t mind Coked guys at all. But somehow, the abundance of the drug that night bugged me.
The next day I felt slightly uncomfortable when I remembered seeing quite so many packets of it. Why? Was it because I thought all the users were depraved? Nope, they all had jobs and seemed to have friends – this wasn’t a bunch of junkies. Was it because I was worried of being arrested? Hell no – I was drunk, but wasn’t driving – I would have been one of the few to get out Scott . Who the hell is Scott? I don’t know anyone called Scott. And why’s he “” – is your first session with him ? Is this popular expression really the name an incentive-scheme for customers of a particularly famous rent-boy – or have I lost the plot?
I wish I could just say that it was because I didn’t enjoy the party and that I felt left out – but I didn’t. I had a great time at the party; loved every minute of it. Interesting people & conversations, someone flirted, the host said he’d missed me when he was away, got to go home with the sexiest person there (you know I said there were two of us who weren’t on the stuff?) All fucking marvellous. Well strictly no fucking, but you know what I mean.
I fear, that somehow behind all my open-liberalness, I still have some moral voice telling me that cocaine is “bad”. These all seemed like people choosing to partake – and wealthy enough to be able to buy the stuff without resorting to crime – so I would usually say let them do what they want…. But that’s simply not the feeling I had. Perhaps it’s simply because cocaine is often mentioned in the same sentences as heroine, a drug that has no glamour, and is deadly addictive. Is it just the addictiveness that bothers me? It could be…
I saw a friend take some, despite having told me earlier in the year that he’d broken the habit. I was so disappointed to see him disappear to the (lush, brushed stainless steel & slate, branded & luxurious) bathroom with that look in his eye. Perhaps that’s it – I know my friend’s addicted and tried to give up. Although it doesn’t seem (from the outside) to have a negative effect on his life, I can’t help but wonder what it’ll do to him in the long run…
It just isn’t my place to judge others – but even without judging, I realise (perhaps for the first time) that this experience did make me feel weird. I wonder what issues *I* have, with other people taking drugs? It is their lives after all!
Posted by ThatP @ 07:23 PM GMT [Link] [240 comments]
