Dear all concerned.

I know I haven't written to you all in a long time, and I'd like to take the time now to explain why.....

I have spent a lot of time thinking (don't laugh, I'm being serious) recently about my plans and my future. The person you have known until now, P, has always been a lot of fun, and seemed very confident. But inside I have always felt different. For a while, I thought it was because I was gay, and so I "came out", and a weight seemed to have been lifted from a tired back.

However that feeling soon passed, and I realised that there was more. I have always been attracted to men, and I know that in fact the reason for my feeling is that, I do not feel that I am male. This is more than wanting to be in women's clothes, which is just the most visible aspect; it goes deeper, wanting to be a woman, not just to look like one.

Having come to accept the feeling was difficult, and with time I have done just that. I have decided after months of deliberating about it, to have a sex change operation. I have spent a lot of time looking into it, and started taking female hormones. For the first month I felt very sick and I am never hungry, but that subsided and I now feel better, and find my body changing. Mood swings are less frequent than they were. Britain is not the best place in which to have such an operation, and so I will go to Thailand, which currently offers the best facilities with some of the most experienced sex-change surgeons in the world. The current currency movements have resulted in it being less than a 5th of the price of the equivalent procedure in the US - although that is not a main factor in choosing where to have it, it does help.

So basically, before returning to the UK, I will go to Thailand and have the operation. I will return to the UK as a woman, probably at the beginning of September. I will grow my hair but it will look better in a year's time than when I return - please bear this in mind when you see me. I will have facial remodelling surgery as soon as I can afford it, so please do not judge my choice on my initial appearance.

Now that you have read this much, I am sure you have a dozen or so questions. Let me try to pre-empt them, and answer those thoughts. First of all, you will be wondering if this is all true. The simple and very short answer is that it isn't. Yes, you read that right. It's not true. It's one big mamma lie. Not a single word of truth in it at all. Relived? Good. Sorry to have done that to all of you. But I always think things should be put in context, and me not writing in ages is bad, shocking it isn't. I've been far too busy making the most of my time here. Party Party Party. And yes, as the title of this email suggests, I will be back in the UK in a month today.. And I'm already thinking about how and when to party. With whom? With everyone of course. Any suggestions welcome. I've just decided to change the title of the email. It was previously "one month to go"... but I figured that it might give away the end of this email.... Anyway, I do admit to being lousy at writing, but if I tell you guys everything that happens in my life, I'll have nothing left to tell you when I get back - and we don't want that now do we!

Well, thanks for being patient with me. I love you all...

ManlyP

P.S. Just because I'm crap at writing, does not in any way mean that I don't love receiving males. ermm, I mean mails.