Hello boys and girls...

Well, it's been a while since my Naomi email. And it proved a surprising success. I was amazed, even almost disturbed by the way that nearly everyone fell for it. I had imagined that people would doubt it through out, but no; it appears people took it at face value until the end. I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment for my writing skills, or as an insult to my masculinity!

Well, this is just an email to say that I've got one week left here in Tokyo before I head back home on the 29th. (Monday). Feel free to swamp me with phone calls immediately upon my arrival. :-)

I'll leave you with a sample of reactions to our dearest Naomi : (in the order they were received)

Mr. Complicated: "DeadP, I'm going to kill you! Sex change operation?!?! I turned to my friend at the next terminal and said, "Oh my god. My friend is getting a sex change operation." I was picturing some crazy Thai doctor chopping off your wee-wee. But mostly I was wondering how the operation might affect our friendship. Because being male does give us certain commonalities that are significant. So anyway, when I see you, I'll kill you first, then we can chat and catch up."

Jason: "Hiya Sexy - Shocking story - I guess it had the desired effect though. Good to hear from you even though it did take a while"

John: "Good God! Do you have any idea what reaction that e-mail has when you open it up in the middle of the office after a crap day at work and you have your boss standing behind you! I almost fell off my chair, spilt my coffee, overturned the tippex bottle, pulled the phone out of the socket and exclaimed loudly to the world in general all at the same time. Almost. Luckily I was so shockingly engaged that I kept reading on until I got (not without some relief!) to the crux of the e-mail. I just hope my boss's eye-sight ain't what it used to be."

Barbie: "You complete bitch. You don't deserve me for a friend. I know you like winding me up, but you have taken it too far this time. Consider our friendship over. Your former friend, B.

P.S. Thankyou for your long years of friendship, and I'm very truly and deeply sorry that it had to end this way. I will think of our time together with affection, and merely regret that there can be few more. B."

Yann : "Ouah ! Magnifique mail ! Je suis reellement sidere de ce que tu m'apprends, et j'y crois ... jusqu'a la fin ! Tu imagines la tornade d'emotions qui me surmerge ! Je n'ai jamais ete dans ce cas, et le premier choc passe, je m'appretais a te repondre de la facon la plus tolerante. La plus hypocrite aussi, puisque j'aurais aussitot appele ta mere et souleve des montagnes pour essayer de te faire changer d'avis. Meme maintenant, je me demande si ton dementi final n'est pas le seul mensonge...Enfin, on est heureux comme on veut, mais dans ton cas, on n'a pas le droit de toucher a une oeuvre d'art !"

Warren : "Dear SexyP. Bitch. Love, Warren"

Picaswan : "I got half way through your email, and in a state of shock, had to stop to call my lawyer to cross you out of my will, it was not so much what you said, it was the name 'Naomi' anyway I got to the end eventually. I will now have to call my lawyer to put you back in sometime, that's if I remember!"

Amy : "I believed it. All of it. I was just thinking "We all love you SexyP, no matter what what you look like". When I read "big mumma lie" I couldn't believe it. I thought that was the lie. I had to read it again and again"

James Spank-the-bitch : "P, you are such a bitch! You really had me going! I was hooked, I had visions of meeting you in SOAS common room in your new alter-ego and stumbling over what name to call you!"

HMS Stuart : "Dearest Na...SexyP, I have to concede that your mail is expertly crafted and was very convincing. I constantly had two thoughts in mind: The first that you had on more than one occasion, very explicitly stated that you were GAY, that is a man who is (ravenously) attracted to men as distinct from someone who is mal dans sa peau and feels the need to change it. The second was that I wouldn't have minded being the first, or indeed second or third, to have known(in the biblical sense) the delightful Naomi."

Bucket-Arse: "Well, Sweetie, after your last message, what could I possibly have to say? I'm too young for a coronary, Naomi. DON'T do that again!!! Love you too, Ollie xx"

Charles : "Don't do that again."

And indeed I won't. On that note, I'm going to love you and leave you,

P xxx